I would never go up to someone and ask them what’s wrong with their face or lean in close and say, “What’s that?” These questions are not relegated to pimples, though. My cheeks get red whenever I’m hot or upset and I get the same response then. “Look at your cheeks! How red they are!” Hmmm…
It’s difficult not to be embarrassed or to take things like that personally. I always think back to Miss Manners saying that you shouldn’t mention things that the person can do nothing about. I can’t do anything about the zit on my face or the redness of my cheeks, so why bring it up? What’s the point?
That was the question I put to my Egyptian husband after he pointed at my face one day. He explained by saying that people just want to make sure I’m alright and see if there’s anything they can do to help. Well, that doesn’t really eliminate any embarrassment on my part.
Another sometimes frustrating difference is the concept of accepting and refusing. I can’t get used to offering things again and again and again and I never know when I’m supposed to stop. I also can’t tell when I’m supposed to accept things and when I ought to refuse them.
One time I was sharing a taxi with a cleaner from the university. I went to pay for it, but she refused my money. She refused again and again and again until I left the taxi. I went home upset about this because I know that I make a lot more than she does and that she would miss the money more than I would. I was trying to think of how I could repay her.
I didn’t need to think that hard, though, because the next day she had our bus driver call to admonish me for not paying for the taxi and say that I owed her money. This made me more upset because I can’t think what I should have done differently. Forced the money into her hand? Not leave until she took it? My husband said she was too embarrassed to take my money. She didn’t have a problem embarrassing me, though. Harrumph.
In the end, I guess differences like this take a while to get used to. But how long does that take?